When a "friend" betrays your love, maybe it's really good news after all. You didn't need a false friend like that in your life. Tell him or her "Good riddance!" You know?
My husband is the only man I have ever been with who didn't play games with my heart. That's why I married him. He's been my best friend, next to Jesus.
I didn't think it was ever possible to have a relationship like this, but I knew that God could do anything. So, in honor of my personal walk with the Lord, I did a lot of purposeful self-work while I was single to be sure that I was ready to be the kind of woman that God would want to give to a good man. While I went through that planned progression and process, I was only friends with the man who is now my husband. Our courtship evolved out of a solid and healthy friendship of over 2 years. He truly has always been my best friend before our marriage and since we've been married.
Out of the 10 years we've been married, it actually took me about 7 years to really believe he loves me. However, now God has done a work in me and has healed my heart so that I can trust. I have learned to trust the God in the man and not the man himself. All humans are weak because we are born into sin, but God in us makes us stronger when we lean on His Word and His Wisdom and apply the blood of Jesus liberally to our past so it doesn't keep us shackled.
Of course, neither of us is perfect, but, for the most part, we knew and accepted one another's weaknesses before we married. That was one of the important parts of pre-marital counseling: it helped us to understand that if there was something in the other person that we couldn't live with forever, that is what determines whether or not you get married or just stay friends. If you don't secretly hide your problems / weaknesses, then you can openly share them with the other person and give them the chance to accept you for who you really are. If you truly love and care about them as a friend, then you should at least do this for them. Let them really choose the real you. You can do it before you marry, or you can choose to wait until after the marriage and risk the strain that secret could cause on your relationship. Yes, some secrets will lead them to leave you later or to make your life a living hell so that you will leave them. Unfortunately, I've watched this happen to families, and it is usually rather ugly. So, you might as well fess up now and get this process over with.
On the flip side of that, if you haven't truly accepted that other person as they are, and you are just always trying to change them, then maybe you should not be with them. This doesn't apply just to marriage, but also to other friendships. As the saying goes, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Learning how to do this well before you start leaning towards marriage is a vital part of the maturation process for any person. You must learn to trust yourself and your own choices in relationships. Give yourself time to go through this maturation process before jumping into a committed relationship.
In the same way, if you find yourself in a friendship with a person who has not accepted you, your choices, and your life, then you should reconsider that relationship because, eventually, things will go from bad to worse. Instead of waiting for the relationship to crash and burn, choose to have friends who love and support you. Stay away from those who are constantly critical of your other relationships and of your life choices. Stay away from those who have difficulty forgiving and letting go of the past - if you stay around that too long, without a doubt, that bitterness will spread to you and infect you like H1N1. You will find that closely guarding your relationship circle will save you a lot of wasted time, energy, money, and most of all, heartache. It won't be easy - especially if you are prone to people-pleasing behavior - but it will be so worth it, and you'll be grateful to yourself in the end.
Our pastors, Dr. Creflo and Pastor Taffi Dollar, have an awesome ministry to marrieds and parents. They have strict pre-marital counseling requirements. And we have good friends who have good marriages that have helped to model healthy holy relationships for us. Neither of us saw healthy marriages growing up, so to have folks around us like that now is truly awesome.
All of these things have helped us, but also, and most of all, both of us are committed to our personal relationships with the Lord. We were both in this place before we even met one another and have continued to maintain Jesus as the center individually, as a couple and as parents.
Trust God to bless you, and He will. He'll heal the past and help you forget it and move forward. That old relationship wasn't for you anyway, so rejoice that God has taken it out of your life. Weaping endures for a moment, but joy comes in the morning. There will be a day where you'll look back at your past relationships and be able to laugh while you rejoice over your new blessings.
I have been recommending the book that changed my single life forever to my female friends who are single/divorced. This book helped me to work on me...it was a hard process, especially at the start, but once I completed the process, there were several very handsome working men that were interested in me. And God helped me to chose the right one for me, my husband, who was my best male friend at that time. God helped me to understand myself better, and to understand the seedtime and harvest of relationships better, so that I could do a better job of choosing who to give my heart to.
THE book that helped empower me to
Change my own single life forever:
by P. B. Wilson (P. "Bunny" Wilson)
You are invited!
http://invitation.wwahhmpreneur.com
